My brother.

How do you tell someone you love that they are wasting their life away?  How do you tell someone you love that it's time to start acting like a grown up?  

Recently my older brother moved to Vegas.  It's sad to say, but other than him being my sibling, I really don't know much else about him.  I couldn't tell you what his favorite color is.  I don't know what books he's read or what his favorite band is.  Those are all things I could certainly tell you about my sister.  But with my brother it is a much different story.  

My brother is quite a few years older than my sister and I.  When my family moved to Vegas, he stayed in New Jersey with his father.  My brother would visit for Christmas or spring break each year.  But as he got older, the visits became far and few in between.  

My brother has struggled with all sorts of addictions over the years.  He's checked himself in to rehabs and checked himself out of rehabs more times than I can count.  He lies, he cheats and he steals.  But he's my brother and I love him.  

Even though I love him dearly, I often find it difficult to feel sorry for him.  Does that make me a bitch?  He has made some pretty terrible decisions over the years.  Decisions that have  ruined basically every relationship he's ever had.  The thing that makes me the most angry is the fact that blames everyone but himself.  I mean, he's 30 f-ing years old and I think it's about time he grew up.  Why lie about anything, much less the silly and unimportant stuff?  Why steal when you can earn something and be proud of the fact that you've earned it?  

I don't know much about addictions.  But I do know that my brother is not the person he has the ability to be because of those addictions.    He has the potential to be an amazing person.  I mean, seriously amazing.  And it saddens my heart to see his life go down the drain.  My biggest fear is getting that phone call.  I can't even think about it without tears filling my eyes.  And it's sad that the thought has ever even crossed my mind.

At the very least, my family and I know that we tried to help him.  At the very least, we know that my brother has to want to change before he can get better; and that there is nothing we can do or say to make him ready for that change.  It's up to him.  At the very least, I love him.

Me and my brother circa 1988.